Today is my last day as a 30' something. It's emotional. It's been a LONG hard decade yet also blessed! It hit me hard today. My husband laughed & chuckled at me but it really is my last day in my 30's tomorrow at 10:30 am I turn 40! To me it is a big deal. I will be pondering my 30's today and remembering all I have learned. I am truly wiser with Gods help than I was at 30. I have lost almost all my closest loved ones minus my husband & 2 kids in my 30's. I lost my mom,my mother in law,my big brother, uncle, all aunts but one that acknowledge me, all my beloved step grandparents that was all the grandparents I had left and 2 of my own babies. I also lost some very dear friends all of these loved ones died an early death. So much hurt and struggle I even was at divorce foot steps 2 times in my 30's YET I also saw so many blessings too.I made new friends in my 30's. I have had many an adventure in my 30's. I grew in new ways with Abba in my 30's and learned to become more dependent upon him & I learned that NO MAN or person can ever fill my hurts and needs as good as GOD can. I learned in my 30's true obedience to Christ and what that looks like, I fell in love with Yeshua Jesus even more so in my 30's has he truly has walked with me in valley of the shadow of death ( Psalm 23:4). He has also been with me as I found out in my 30's I am Brca2 with a unique mutation within the Braca2 category, and must have surgeries in the new coming year to prolong my life. I got to help in a research study for Braca people in my 30's to pave the way for future people with Braca.
I am so happy in all my failures in my 30's God didn't give up on me and welcomed me home each time. ( I failed a lot) I learned what true mercy was. I now try to give that same to others who wrong me. I have had to survive so many things not mentioned in this writing yet God was with me in it all.
I moved to a city I adore in my 30's and am now proud to call this place home. I have learned many things in my 30's new skills & hobbies. I learned to dance more even in the mist of life's battles I can truly joyfully dance. I love to dance and plan to dance even more. I have learned to let my creativity in dance and other gifted areas flow in what God made me to be!
My son grew up in my 30's and is now a competent bright young man who is going to college & also working a part time job of which in only 4 months he became manager. He truly shines for Jesus in all his does .I am so proud of him! My little baby girl grew up from a small child to a now beautiful high school student in my 30's. As I enter tomorrow my 40's I wish my baby I lost 2 Mays ago was going to be with me yet Asher was his name.
Gods will was done. I enter with 2 almost fully grow lovely people whom I have been proud to be their mom. I enter my 40's with my marriage in tact it has now lasted 10 years something that at the times of divorces foots steps I thought I would never see,, yet God didn't give up on us when we almost did!
As I write this I am crying thinking back on all that has happen in the last decade. All the pain... all the good too & all the memories. I enter my 40's knowing me better & the God that made me. I do not fear of aging because God has blessed me with a youthful look & has been gracious to me. Everywhere I go with my kids people think we are all siblings that has been an encouragement as I age gracefully lol. Tomorrow is just a regular day no major plans are made for my big 40. I will just be living life as always with my sweet little family. I enter my 40's tomorrow kinda of sad to say goodbye to the Suzie of the 30's ( but not sad to say goodbye to all the pain) yet very happy to say hello to the new Suzie of the 40's and can't wait to meet her. Who will she be and what will she become? What has God got in store for me in my 40's? I am excited for whats in store in life. I think I grew up in my 30's finally .I thought I was grown in my 20's but it was not a pretty sight & life was such a struggle. I will think private thoughts and celebrate God & me and our relationship. Tomorrow I will happily dance to a tune and celebrate my life as I set sail for the next decade of my life. ( God willing) After todays pondering and looking back no more looking back only looking at today and to what is and what will be.